My mother may have sneered at you (not in your hearing, of course - it was always after I'd gotten off the phone with someone, "They're always talking like they have something to prove!" was her response to what I always thought of as an invitation to be playful with our minds. Not to forget - I also credit science fiction fans, SCA, gaming buddies and even members of the pagan community (although I don't label myself as one such) for their general openness to the awkward, nerdy teenager that I was. Growing older, if not growing up, at least now I feel I have some chance at contentment largely unmarred by the poison of some of those earliest dynamics in my so-called family. Time, distance, and a spouse who is supportive in the extreme have all helped make it so. whole months, now, where I don't find my breath taken away by having witnessed some thoughtless, privilege-dripping stupidity that throws me back spontaneously into some similar event in my past. Slightly longer ago than I've seen my mother.īoth of whom are alive, neither of whom I never want to see, or have any kind of connection with, ever again. It's been (counts briefly on fingers) just over 18 years since I last saw my father. It's my job to make it as safe as possible to do that here. This kind of conversation only works because people have their defenses down. Apologize readily and sincerely if you tread on toes, even unintentionally. Try to avoid "hlepiness" (those comments which look helpful, but really aren't). Be even more careful, charitable, and gentle than you would elsewhere on Making Light. Black is white, up is down, and your addressee's mother may very well be their nemesis.ģ. In particular, please don't do the "they're the only family you have" thing. If you're not from a dysfunctional background, be aware that your realities and base expectations are not the default in this conversation. (I can think of two, Syd, slightly disguised, and Bricklayer.)Ģ. Respect the people's choices of pseudonym, unless they make it clear that they are willing to let the identities bleed over in people's minds.
The moderation policy is pretty much the same as elswhere on Making Light, with a couple of significant exceptions:ġ. #3 ::: abi ::: (view all by) ::: September 21, 2012, 05:52 AM:ĪnonCowardSevenBillion those of us who may be new, or who are returning after absence, could we get a comment on moderation policy for this thread? And if you blow it and cross identities, give me a shout and I’ll come along and tidy it up. You can create a separate (view all by) history for your pseudonym by changing your email address. But please keep it consistent within these threads, because people do care.
#The dishwasher vampire smile achievable bead free#
If you want to participate but don’t want your posts linked to your contributions to the rest of Making Light, feel free to choose a pseudonym. We are immeasurably richer for you being here. Thank you for your courage and your openness, your generosity and your wisdom. Those people- you people, as it were-are a joy to this community every day, but today we get an excuse to say it. I’ve heard the same from many people who don’t post in the threads (that I know of-I don’t track which pseudonyms map to which regular commenters.) They make me a better parent, a better daughter (now I can parse my mother’s stories from her childhood), a better friend and colleague, a better moderator. Even I, who am not rightfully one of the community, have gained a great deal from them. Who else could have created the resources that these threads have become, not just for one another, but for otherwise-troubled folks? If that’s failure, I don’t ever want to be a success.Īnd those threads really are a treasure. We rejoice in the people who were resented, believe the people who were dismissed, and listen to the people who were perpetually shushed.Īnd the people whose parents resented them for being takers, and burdens, and nuisances? The people who were told that they were worthless and useless, failures and good-for-nothings? Today we get to thank them for the great gift that they have given all of us on Making Light over the last four ye ar s. It’s the day we celebrate the presence in our community of the people who were unwelcome in their homes. It’s the day we put those members of our community first who were always given last place in their families’ consideration. Today is Dysfunctional Families Day, September 21. Dysfunctional Families: Everybody lined up for the parade?
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